5 Tips for Coping with the Uncertainty of New Motherhood as a Perfectionist

If you’re a perfectionist, welcome to new motherhood—the ultimate test of your ability to let go of control and roll with the punches. Spoiler alert: it’s probably going to be harder than you thought. But hey, you didn’t think you could just float through this transition, did you? New motherhood is filled with messy, beautiful, unpredictable moments that have no room for rigid “perfect” expectations. And while that may sound like a nightmare to a perfectionist, trust me, it’s also the best opportunity to embrace the real you—flaws, unpredictability, and all.

In this blog post, I’m going to share five tips that’ll help you navigate the chaos and uncertainty of new motherhood without losing your mind (or your desire to get it all “right”). So grab a cozy blanket, take a deep breath, and let’s dive into how you can start embracing the beautiful, messy reality of life as a new mom.

1. Embrace the Mess: Perfectionism and Motherhood Don’t Mix

Let’s face it—new motherhood is messy. There’s no avoiding it. From spit-up stains to sleep-deprived tears, the picture-perfect version of motherhood you might have imagined is *so* far from reality. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay—it’s essential.

Trying to chase perfection in the chaos of new motherhood will only leave you frustrated, exhausted, and feeling like you’re never doing enough. Instead of holding yourself to unattainable standards, start to embrace the mess. The baby might poop all over the onesie you just changed them into, and that’s alright. Your house might look like a war zone, and guess what? That’s normal, too.

When you catch yourself trying to control every little detail, pause and ask, “What would it look like if I just let this be messy?” Shift your focus from perfection to progress. Celebrate small wins, like getting through the day without a meltdown (yours or the baby’s).

2. Reframe Your Expectations: It’s Not About “Getting It Right”

As a perfectionist, it’s easy to get trapped in the mindset that everything needs to be done just right. But motherhood isn’t a checklist. There’s no magic formula for doing things perfectly. Sure, you can read all the books, follow every expert, and make every effort to create a “perfect” schedule for your baby—but guess what? Your baby might have other plans.

Rather than getting stuck on the idea that you have to follow a perfect routine, try reframing your expectations. Think of motherhood as a dance, not a scripted performance. You’ll take a few steps forward, stumble, and then figure out the next move. It’s all part of the journey.

Create a flexible routine, not a rigid schedule. Leave space for spontaneity and wiggle room, understanding that some days will look like organized chaos, and others will feel like small victories.

3. Trust Your Instincts: You Are Enough

Perfectionists often struggle with self-doubt—especially when it comes to being a mom. “Am I doing this right? Is the baby okay? What if I mess up?” These thoughts will come, but here’s the thing: you’ve got this. Your instincts are more powerful than you give them credit for.

Trusting yourself is one of the most empowering things you can do. You may not have all the answers right now, but you have something much more important: the ability to learn as you go and the wisdom to trust yourself in the process.

The next time you feel doubt creeping in, take a moment to remember that you’re doing the best you can. Your instincts are your superpower. Practice trusting them and embracing the fact that you’re learning on the job.

4. Set Boundaries: Your Needs Matter, Too

Perfectionists often find it hard to ask for help or set boundaries, but listen closely: taking care of your baby doesn’t mean sacrificing your well-being. You are a person, not just a mom, and your needs are just as important as your baby’s. In fact, if you’re running on empty, it’s going to be a lot harder to give your best to your baby.

You don’t have to do everything yourself. Set boundaries—whether it’s saying no to visitors when you’re tired or asking your partner for help with nighttime feedings. Prioritizing your needs will actually make you a better mom in the long run because you’ll be more present, less stressed, and able to give your baby the care they need.

Start by identifying one area where you need help or a break. Don’t wait until you’re burned out. Ask for help. You deserve it.

5. Let Go of “Should” and Embrace the “Real”

You know that voice in your head that says, “I should be doing this,” or “I should look like that”? That’s your perfectionism talking—and it’s time to shut it down. There’s no “should” in motherhood. There’s only real. And the real is messy, unpredictable, and often nothing like the images you’ve seen in your head or online.

Instead of focusing on what you “should” be doing, start embracing what you *are* doing. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay. If you’re not bonding with your baby in the “perfect” way, that’s normal too. This is a learning process, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it—just your way.

Whenever the “shoulds” start to sneak in, ask yourself: “What is the real, authentic experience I’m having right now?” Celebrate those moments of truth. It’s okay if they don’t fit the mold.

Ready to Let Go of Perfection?

Motherhood isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress, learning, and showing up as your real, authentic self. If you’re a perfectionist, it’s going to take some time to unlearn those deep-seated expectations. But I promise you, it’s worth it.

Embrace the mess, trust your instincts, set boundaries, and let go of those “shoulds.” And most importantly, give yourself permission to be imperfectly you. You’re doing an amazing job.

Want to dive deeper into letting go of perfectionism and embracing your real motherhood experience? CHECK OUT MY PREGNANCY AND POSTPARTUM PLANNER... created for pregnant moms who are perfectionists just like you! This planner will break down your fears, beliefs, family dynamics, etc. It even has a few checklists and trackers needed for the preparation for birth and postpartum (which I KNOW YOU WOULD LOVE, as a former perfectionist myself!)

Remember, mama, you don’t need to be perfect. You need to be you. And that’s more than enough. What’s one “should” you’re ready to let go of today? Share in the comments—I’d love to hear how you’re embracing the real side of motherhood!

Perfectionism is a tough beast, but with a little grace and a lot of self-compassion, you can face the uncertainty of new motherhood with confidence. You are enough, just as you are.